I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
