you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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