i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
