look no pants
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
