Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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