Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
