Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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