Welp...herpes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and Iām already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
