they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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