I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
