i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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