I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
