did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
