You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
