I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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