Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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