First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
