I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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