wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
