I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
