guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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