You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
