Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
