I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
