you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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