She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
