Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
