when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
