If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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