sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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