you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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