didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
