Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Operation Purity has been aborted
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
