I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
