dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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