Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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