You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
