sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
