and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
