i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
