Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
