Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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