mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
