before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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