i just made my gag reflex go away.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
