i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
