i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just forgot I was standing up.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
