Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
