Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
