in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
