Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
